


Family Reunion

by Blizzardz_uwu



Category: A Hat in Time (Video Game)
Genre: Family Reunions, Gen, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25247332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blizzardz_uwu/pseuds/Blizzardz_uwu
Summary: The Necktie Incident was always something to never be spoken about after it happened. The few birds who knew were considered unfortunate by Conductor, having to deal with his problems that they didn't deserve. Those who had no idea were lucky, and Conductor would be damned to even think about telling them. He tries to get by without peeping a single word about Necktie to them.It's been awhile since he's been to a family reunion.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	Family Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> Another reupload qwq  
> Basically the opposite of 901U, where the brothers find out about the failed attempt fhchjx   
> Uhhh oki idk what else to put

Conductor huffed. He clung tightly to his arms, nearly hugging himself and curling up in the chair below him as if he were the last thing left in this world. It's been awhile since he's been to a family reunion. At first it was because of his busy career at the studio, having to practically say annually that he was either behind schedule on production or was straight up not able to make it because he was in the middle of a scene. But those excuses began to delve into fake ones, then to just not saying anything about his attendance. That was when his mental state deteriorated. When he could barely stand a second without vicious thoughts eating away at him. 

But he wasn't attending this reunion because he was getting better. He wasn't attending to confess his state. It was already too late for that. Barely a week ago, he'd tried a 3rd time to off himself. In the basement of the studio, in that tiny room that no one seemed to remember existed. He fought the urge to fiddle with the red bow tie he wore in place of his tie. He couldn't wear another necktie after trying to hang himself from one.

He sat curled on a chair, listening to the muffled chatter and clattering of pans and plates as food was being prepared. He didn't remember this many birds being at the last family reunion. Correction, he didn't remember the last reunion at all. Has it really been that long? There was an older bird across the room, his eyes squinted behind rounded glasses as he chatted with another that was clearly decades younger. There was a couple who spoke with a woman probably the same age as them. Conductor even heard the quiet squeaks of a baby nearby. He felt his eyes become unfocused. Who were these people? 

He nearly screamed when a pair of arms wrapped around him from under his arms, hauling him up and twirling him in the air as a fruity laughter rang in his ears. He was dropped to his feet, shaking his head of dizziness and looking up to see one face that he did recognize. His brother Redd stood in front of him, a wide grin spread on his beak as his eyes sparkled. Conductor hunched his shoulders and gently smiled back. He'd almost forgotten that Redd had practically raised him and his other 2 brothers. 

His other brothers. Fuck.

Redd put his hands together in front of his chest and quietly clapped as he excitedly flattened his ears. "Where've you been?" He asked, obviously restraining himself from twirling Conductor again. Conductor shrugged, awkwardly laughing. "Busy?" He muttered, casting his gaze aside. Redd rolled his eyes, putting a hand on Conductor's head. "Obviously! 4 years and you're still the same height from when you were 12.  _ And  _ you weigh like a bunch of grapes." Redd cackled, giving Conductor a second to let his smile fall. Oh, if only Redd knew what was going on those 4 years.

And to make things a little worse, Conductor was ripped away from Redd and was spun a full 180. He blinked, already knowing who was holding both of his hands and keeping him on his heels. Gregg smiled brightly at him, his entire expression practically identical to Redd's. Seemed like Gregg never stopped taking habits from his older brother. Such as spinning someone they're happy to see. "Connie! You made it this year!" He exclaimed, letting him off of his heels but not letting go of his hands.

Conductor forced another smile, feeling himself heat up. The internal shame he felt for these poor oblivious birds. Gregg looked him up and down, raising Conductor anxiety when his eyes lingered on his neck. "Are you copying Walter now?" Gregg chuckled, gently tugging on one wing of the bow tie. Conductor laughed, flattening his ears. He'd forgotten about that too. "What's got your tongue?" Gregg suddenly tilted his head and asked. "I'd think you'd be more talkative after not being here for… 4 years? 5?"

Conductor wanted so badly to shake his head. To just tell his brother to shut up about their expectations for him to speak. Instead he just stood there, internally arguing and screaming with himself over what to say. The screeching ended with a shrug of his shoulders, earning an odd look from Gregg. "What? Nothing to say? No new stories or jokes or anything from the studio? Not even those movies you're so proud of?" He scowled the part about the studio. It was always his thing to think bad of things that brought family away, even just as a mild inconvenience that they couldn't make it to an event. He tried hiding that he was upset about it, but his words always came out growled and quiet. To put it short, Gregg didn't like being alone one bit, even if it's just short by 1 person. 

Conductor cringed at his brother's last sentence. Those movies were barely anything to him anymore. They really only served as reminders of his last attempt. That disaster of Train Rush. He awkwardly smiled, hoping that would fill in the silence between them and cut through the thick atmosphere that had suddenly fallen upon them. He wished he could tell these poor birds. He wished he could apologize for the misfortune of being his siblings. Wished he could tell them of his problems and attempts and why he just didn't  _ want  _ to come to the reunions the last few years. But that would only bring everyone down, and put the spotlight on him. He'd be selfish for making everything about him.

_ “Yeah, I'm gonna be honest. You are a bad person. You don't have any empathy, you don't encourage your cast like you should and the only things you care about are your train, your alcohol and ending your pecking life, apparently." _

Conductor shuddered at the words that decided to summon themselves into his head. They bounced around and rang in his ears, seeming to become more aggressive and hitting him repeatedly right in the forehead. He grumbled and pressed a hand to his head, scowling at his growing headache.

"You alright?"

Conductor jumped at the new voice, hearing a slight yelp from Gregg as well. Walter stood next to Gregg, seeming to have materialized there silently. "Jesus," Gregg huffed, calming down. "Walter, I told you to stop doing that." Gregg sighed, Redd snickering next to him. "Doing what?" Walter asked, turning back to Conductor with a smug look. He knew what he was doing.

Conductor stared at Walter, first looking at his brother's blue bow tie and quickly becoming anxious about his own bow tie. Walter seemed to have done the same, cocking his brow. "That's new." He chirped, tugging it the same way Gregg had. "I thought purple was your thing. You taking from Redd and I?" Walter snickered, removing his hand and his expression falling when Conductor became visibly nervous. He didn't take hands near his neck so nicely anymore.

They stared at each other for a moment, Walter seemingly becoming more and more concerned as he scanned his brother. The chattering around them quieted down, at least to Conductor. Conductor expected that any moment now Walter would ask the fatal question. The question Conductor could never stand to lie through, for whatever reason he didn't know. Every sound was brought back with a burst when someone behind Conductor called Walter away. Walter glanced between Conductor and the other bird, his amber eyes darkening when he looked at Conductor.

The next Conductor knew, Walter was brushing past him, going to talk to whoever had called him. Conductor didn't bother to look. He wouldn't recognize them anyway. He looked back to Gregg and Redd, the latter of which was the only one who seemed to notice the awkward moment between him and Walter, his eyes crooked in confusion. Gregg's ear suddenly flicked at his name from the kitchen, and something added on about help. Apparently those were the only words Conductor seemed to recognize. Gregg quickly vanished into the kitchen leaving Redd and Conductor alone.

Redd shot up, quietly clapping again. "Connie, I think there's someone you'd like to meet." He said, going ahead down a hallway to the living room and making sure Conductor was following. Conductor felt a fresh wave of nervousness at the people in this room he didn't recognize. Some of them weren't even the same species as him anymore. Redd disappeared for a moment, coming back with something that made Conductor feel his heart sink and lose all tension in his body.

Now he knew where he heard the baby from.

Redd smiled brightly as he held an approximately 5 month old chick in his arms, quietly snickering when the chick messed with the feathers on his face. "Connie, this is little Mabel." Redd spoke softly, slightly lowering his arm to Conductor but still keeping it high enough for Mabel to cling to his shoulder. Conductor silently looked over the baby in his brother's arms. Mabel wasn't anything like he and Redd's species. She was a golden eagle, Conductor knew from some kind of hidden knowledge. She was still currently white feathered, her brown ones hadn't started molting in yet.

Conductor reached out gently, silently asking for Redd to hand her to him. Redd did, his expression softening as Mabel was shifted between them 2. "Adopted her before she was even 2 months old. Poor thing needed better parents." Redd huffed, watching Conductor simply stare at the chick in his arms. "She's a beaut, ain't she?" Conductor wanted to nod. He wanted to look at his brother and tell him how precious his new niece was. He wanted to express the sudden emotion that struck him, but there was some force that kept him perfectly still.

Mabel looked around with wide eyes, unaware of the burning emotions of love and utter confusion that ran through Conductor's veins. Conductor bit his lower jaw and found the strength to look up, catching Redd softly smiling at him, Gregg's wife and daughter looking over from the table they sat at and muttering to each other. Conductor looked around, the air seeming to thicken yet thin at the same time. His body became numb and his bones felt rubbery, making him tense up just so he didn't drop Mabel. He began to recognize the faces he didn't before.

The elderly bird was his uncle. He always said he would live forever if he was still alive now. There were his cousins, who always said they were just like him and his brothers despite the fact all their personality traits were exact opposites of theirs. He flicked his gaze from bird to bird, face to face, before looking back down at Mabel. She smiled at him, reaching her tiny hand out and squeaking with happiness as she gently put it down on his beak. 

Conductor watched her flap her wings happily and stare at him with the same sparkle in her eyes as Redd. He suddenly became conscious of the fabric wrapped around his neck, facing him with the fact that if he had succeeded, if that beam hadn't fallen, he wouldn't be here. He wouldn't have met Mabel, he would've never felt her soft palm on his beak.

He would've never been twirled by his brothers again, or startled by Walter, or asked about himself, or have seen Redd's sparkle or claps, or even hit by the faint orange light of this very living room. If he would've succeeded, there wouldn't even be a reunion, where everyone was smiling and introducing each other and chattering like nothing was wrong. Because something would be wrong. 

He'd be gone.

The faces that he had recognized just a few seconds ago suddenly became blurry, and before long everything was blurry. And there were tears running down his cheeks.

His hands shook so badly he wondered if Mabel could feel it. His entire being was shaking, his beak struggling to stay closed and keep in all the whimpers and hiccups that he had been hoarding in for years. 

Conductor felt like screaming. Like falling to his knees and bawling. He was silently drowning in his own confusion and frustration, screaming questions about whether or not they would be happy if he was gone. His throat closed up, gurgling his screeches before they could even rise up, submerging him into an abyss of emotions that he had had forever but they were still so new and fresh and  _ unfamiliar  _ to him.

He shakily reached out his arms, giving Mabel back to the concerned Redd. His arms kept shaking more violently the longer it took for Redd to take the baby carefully, and once she was out of his grasp, immediately turned and went to the closest exit. The back door.

Conductor slammed the door, though he didn't mean to. He just needed to get out of there. He stood at the edge of the porch, shoving his trembling hands into his coat pockets and fishing around for anything,  _ anything _ to distract him. He  _ swore  _ he had a cigarette box somewhere in there. He heard nothing but his ringing ears and hitching breath as he felt something in his pocket, pulling it out and finding it to be a folded piece of paper.

He shakily unfolded it, reading the first line of the small, scratchy, writing to figure if it was important. 

_ Hey. _

_ So I guess it's all over, huh? _

Conductor finally let out a sob, tightening his grip on his suicide note and causing it to crinkle. He caught his breath when the door opened, not having to look to know that it was Redd. He stood frozen as his brother approached, trying to plant his eyes anywhere other than the paper in his hands. "Connie, what was that?" Redd asked, his voice demanding of an answer yet gentle. There was a pause before he continued. "...Are you okay?"

There it was. The fatal question. Conductor turned slowly to look at Redd, barely making out the other bird through his tears. He hiccuped and whined with restrained sobs, hearing the paper crinkle more as he shook more. Redd stared at him, clearly growing more and more concerned and anxious as he lowered his ears. His eyes drifted over, widening at the sight of the paper.

"What's that?"

Conductor only felt his labored breathing intensify. Redd stepped closer, cautiously, and carefully reached for the note. Conductor ripped it out of his reach before he even realized, leading to Redd's face contorting more in concern. "Connie-"

"I can't let you have this…" Conductor muttered, cowering away just when the door opened again to Gregg and Walter, both with identical looks of panic and worry. Just as he was distracted by those 2, Redd quickly snatched the paper from Conductor's frail hands. "Redd-!" He tried raising his voice, finding it weak and quivering. 

The note seemed to have transferred Conductor's apprehension to his brother, seeing Redd's hands slightly shake as he read the contents of the note. Gregg and Walter came to his sides and read along, the silence becoming worse and worse when they visibly grew more and more upset as they went farther down the paper. 

Redd huffed, his breath unsteady. He turned around to look at Conductor, his gaze dark and eyes wide, watering. He held back any sobs or cries and replaced them with heavy, uneasy breaths. He held the note in one hand, crumpling it thin. "When… when did you write this?"

Conductor replayed his brother's words, scanning for any kind of hidden meaning in them. Looking for relief or happiness that the note existed, looking for disappointment that it was taken from a bird who was unfortunately still alive. But he only found stressed and choked words, full of overwhelming anger and sadness and  _ fear _ .

Conductor didn't reply. He couldn't. He looked at Gregg and Walter, who gave him hard stares that simply asked the same question. "Connor," Redd huffed, tightening his grip on the note and letting a few drops escape his eyes, leaving darker trails on his feathers. Leaving scars. Marking memories.

"When did you write this?" He asked again, much more demanding. 

Conductor gulped, wanting so badly to just run right past them and go home. But that would make things worse than they already were, despite the fact that it seemed like rock bottom's basement at this point. 

"Last week…" He choked out.

…

The only noises they could hear were their own heavy breathing, until Redd gently growled, holding his head and staring at the ground with eyes too full of emotions for anyone to handle. Conductor felt his throat close up more as he watched Redd internally reel at himself, already knowing what was running through the other owl's head. Redd had raised them their entire childhood, even though the age gap between them wasn't that big. To have his brother feel…  _ this way  _ must've crushed Redd.

Conductor refused to look at his brothers as the silence stretched, his feet rooted to the ground. "That's what happened to the tie, huh?" Walter laughed, obviously forced and some kind of sick coping technique for him. His eyes clouded up with tears, burning a hole straight through Conductor with how hard his glare was. Walter took a few steps closer, making Conductor flinch back and nearly fall off the porch. "You tried to fucking hang yourself, didn't you?"

Walter was never the kind to raise his voice. He was never the bird who would advance and tower over someone. He preferred scaring someone from a distance with minimal movement, but seeing him this way was just as terrifying. Before Walter could say more, he let out a choked noise as Gregg pulled him back by his vest collar. 

Gregg was visibly just as destroyed by his own emotions as everyone else, maybe even more. His eyes were red and screaming to sob more than anyone else. But he had a weak spirit. A cheerful one, yes, but weak. Couldn't hurt anything even if it was fatal, he couldn't bear to. He kept his tight grip on Walter, grabbing Redd by his bandana as well. "Fucking- Let go of me!" Walter hissed, rendering Conductor frozen as the argument burst out. "Please, if we would just calm down-" Gregg began, cut off when Redd elbowed him.

"Calm down? You want us to calm down when Connie tried to fucking kill himself?" Redd growled, his eyes purely hostile. "Do you even care?" Gregg flattened his ears, snarling but quickly forcing away all hostility in him. "Of course I do! And probably more than you, seeing as you're here yelling at me rather than-" Gregg yelped when Walter kicked his leg, his face heated. "Then how about you try talking to him, jackass? If you're so much better than us!"

"I never said that!" Gregg retaliated, sparking more yelling among the 3. Conductor held his ears flat against his head in hopes everything would just  _ stop already _ . Everything was too loud, too dark, too messy for anything to be happening. Conductor growled to himself, his brothers' fighting seeming to get louder and louder. Their words jumbled together into a loud hissing mess, blending with the already warring voices in Conductor's head.

Tears pricked his eyes even more, as he pressed his ears harder against his head, feeling the discomfort of folding his ears start to rise up. He didn't bother. It was a better feeling than  _ this _ . This was exactly why he didn't tell anyone. Exactly why no one knew where he had been the last few years. Because it ended in  _ this _ .

He needed to get out here.

He needed to go home.

He wanted to go  _ home _ .

Conductor ran back to the door, rushing back into the house and past all of his family, hoping nothing inconvenient would slow him to confrontation. Surprisingly, everyone just watched him dash to the front door, not bothering to slow him down and ask what was wrong. It both relieved Conductor and broke his heart. The worst feeling imaginable.

He didn't even close the door as he ran down the slanted driveway, his arms shooting out and fumbling as he nearly skidded down the ditch. He ran down the street, away from the house. He didn't care if it wasn't leading anywhere he needed to be. He just needed to be away.

Conductor huffed with a breathless sob as he kept running, his legs aching and his lungs burning and about to burst. 

Nothing ever gets better, does it?

\-- 

Redd growled as Gregg delivered another shove, his shock of Gregg's aggression quickly evaporating. "You do that again, I fucking dare you." He hissed. Gregg glared at him, earning a quick grab of his arm from Redd, who also had Walter stuck in place with a simple grip on his scruff. "You wanna try someone who's known you all your life? See what happens." He snarled, tightening his grip on both of them. "Let go of me, asshole!" Walter demanded, tossing around in an attempt to get Redd's claws off of his neck.

"I swear to god, you yell that voice of yours  _ one more time _ -" Redd scowled, getting cut off when someone opened the door. "What the hell is going on here?" All 3 turned to look with panicked eyes as a girl stood in the doorway, her entire body tense. She stepped out onto the porch, looking up at Redd. "Redd, put my dad and Walter down." She ordered, sticking her hand out and directing to the ground. Redd huffed and dropped the 2 onto their feet, crossing his arms and casting his gaze to the ground.

"Annie, I-" Gregg began, awkwardly smiling and holding his hands together. The girl silenced him with just a look and sighed heavily before opening her beak. "What is wrong with you 3? You never fight like this!" Her eyes flickered between them, becoming more and more bewildered when none of them spoke. She continued, "You're acting so childish, y'know. Over what, may I ask? Do you even care what just happened to Conductor?" Annie slightly directed towards the door, though they didn't exactly get the signal, for Redd spoke.

"That's exactly the problem, these 2 just won't-" he silenced himself abruptly as he slowly turned and saw nothing in Conductor's place where he once stood, similar looks of panic coming onto Gregg and Walter's faces once they realized too. "Where'd he go?" Redd asked, his voice already stressed as he turned back to Annie. Annie shrugged and cocked her head back to the door. "He just ran through the entire house and right through the front door." She said, crossing her arms. 

Redd caught his breath and quickly brushed past her, stepping back inside and disappearing as he turned. Walter followed after him, with Gregg taking the back after nodding to his daughter, who just stood and watched them go.

Redd quickly ushered through all of his family members, uttering rushed apologies and excuses whenever they made any sound of retort. Either his heart was beating so fast that he couldn't feel it, or it had just stopped beating all together. He needed to find Connor, no matter how many times Walter called his name or someone tried to grab his arm and pull him back. Had they done this to Connor too?

Redd finally made it to the front door, opening it and practically skidding to the front the driveway. He breathed heavily as he looked all around him trying to find any glimpse of a fleeing Conductor. If he didn't find his brother soon, who knows what Conductor would do to himself. Redd covered his beak as he thought about it, frantically searching from his spot for just a glimpse of orange feathers. 

His breathing grew faster and faster when Conductor didn't appear, making his legs shake under him as he thought about what he must be doing now. About how Redd failed to actually help him. How he failed as a brother. Redd grabbed his side with his other arm and partially wrapped himself up in hopes it would block out the oncoming rush panic and fear that never failed to have him on the ground and unable to move.

Gregg and Walter came to his sides just in time as he was about to lose his posture. Gregg gently stroked his arm and swerved his head around like Redd had to look for Conductor. Of course, no avail. The air grew thicker when the fear came to the other 2 brothers.

They stood there, making sure to keep each other up as they delved silently into their own thoughts of what had just happened. And what was about to happen. 

The one time Conductor comes to a family reunion. And he's gone as quickly as he came.

Maybe even for good.

**Author's Note:**

> heehee


End file.
